After completing two salvage chemo rounds of R-DHAP, I went for a CT scan to see how well my body has responded. According to the scan results, the lymph nodes went back to their normal size apart from the fist size tumor that is in my chest. Even though this tumor went from 10cm to 7.8cm, the doctors were not content with how slowly it has been shrinking. Because that little fucker is still there, I was forced to continue with more rounds of chemo and experimentation. On one hand, it is reassuring to know that things are heading in the right direction; but on the other hand it is annoying that my body has to put up with more chemo and the side effects that come along with it.
The doctors decided to go for a different chemo regimen called: R-Dexa-BEAM. This is actually the same chemo regimen that will be used right before I get my new stem cells, but with a lower dosage. In a way, I feel like I am getting a taster of what is to come during my stem cell transplant. For this particular round, I had my own room which was quite nice. This chemo regimen was quite intense because I got chemo 7 days in a row:
Day 1: 4 hour of Rituximab infusion
Day 2: 1 hour of BiCu- Carmustine infusion
Day 3: 1 hour of Melphalan infusion
Day 4: 1 hour of Etoposide infusion & two-1 hour infusions of Cytarabine (12 hour interval)
Day 5:1 hour of Etoposide infusion & two-1 hour infusions of Cytarabine (12 hour interval)
Day 6:1 hour of Etoposide infusion & two- 1 hour infusions of Cytarabine (12 hour interval)
Day 7: 1 hour of Etoposide infusion & two-1 hour infusions of Cytarabine (12 hour interval)
It is quite an interesting chemo. When I received the Melphalan infusion, the nurses gave me ice lollies to suck on to minimize the mouth sores.
What I appreciated about this chemo cycle is that I didn't have nausea or a loss of apetite. I struggled with constipation but once I learned to take these powdered laxatives early on, it was manageable. I did experience a bit of mouth sores but rinsing on a regular basis with mouth wash made a difference.
The biggest struggle for this round was the fact that I got shingles, a virus known as Herpes Zoster. Usually people over 65 or with a weak immune systems are affected. This chemo caused my blood counts to drop dramatically. Low blood counts resulted in a weaker immune system and by that logic, I guess that was how I caught this virus.
It was a bit difficult to tell that I had Herpes Zoster at first. It started off with stabbing sensations on my right upper chest and back. They persistenly got worse to the point that painkillers weren't working anymore. We conducted X-rays and ultrasounds but couldn't find anything out of the ordinary. By the time I was in the hospital, they upped the dosage of painkillers, specifically for nerve pain. It wasn't until the second day of my hospital stay that I noticed rashes appearing in the same area where I felt the stabbing sensation. That was when the doctors immediately knew what it was and proceeded with the treatment for shingles. I was treated with Aciclovir infusions for a week and the pain went away by the time I was done with this chemo. I was discharged on a timely manner but sadly, the shingles came back again. The pain got even worse and my skin felt like it was burning to the point that I couldn't even shower, lie down properly, sit and even change clothes without being in pain. I was immediately admitted in the hospital after only being back home for two days. I was forced to stay in isolation for nearly two weeks. Come to think of it, I pretty much spent the entire February stuck in the hospital. My mental state was definitely really bad at that point and I disengaged myself from everyone around me. I finally took a look at my chest and back and it was a very gory and horrific sight.
And no- I never took photos because even thinking and writing about this makes me sick to my stomach. It appeared as a strip of blisters wrapped around my upper right torso. I won't go into the details anymore but it was very bloody and disgusting. My skin has already healed at this point (while writing this) but sadly you can still see the noticeable skin pigmentation. Because of this, I am still dealing with body image issues- even until today. I still feel uncomfortable wearing certain clothing and bathing suits that reveal my back or chest. I ended up buying lots of new clothes that will cover up my back and chest. I wasn't the kind of person who likes to wear my "scars" and "marks" with pride. Seeing these marks is just so triggering. It didn't matter if people told me that "beauty comes from the inside." Sorry but this does not disregard how I feel about myself. I do not care how many people tell me that scars shouldn't define me because how could they not? If I were to go on a romantic date and wear a backless dress, ofcourse there will be questions about what happened to my back. They are very obvious and this will just take me back to that horrific moment. It is not that I am ashamed of what I have been through. It's more of the fact that I am being reminded of things that make me feel so disgusted.
Anyways. during my isolation treatment, I also experienced infections as well as fever up to 39 degrees. I felt so weak, as though I caught a flu. So I spent a lot of time resting in bed. If it weren't for the shingles, I would have rated this chemo round as one of the most manageable ones. But because of this traumatizing experience, I would rate this chemo round a 3/10.
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