When you know someone going through cancer, you often wonder what you can do to help them. Because cancer is such a sensitive topic, we often walk on eggshells unsure how to deal with cancer. We mean well and we want cancer patients to get better that we end up offering advice with the belief that we can fix them. Unfortunately, unsolicited advice doesn't always help and it leads to more harm instead. I generally had a positive experience when it comes to having a good support system. So I thought I would share what I find helpful in order for cancer patients to feel less alone.
It's true what they say that less is more. We don't expect you to fix us and find ways to make things better. If there is one takeaway I have from cancer is the acceptance that things are often beyond your reach and control. When you have cancer, you go through treatment, take your medication, show up for appointments and simply follow the doctors' orders. You go with the flow. You take it one day at a time and either your body responds well with the treatment or it doesn't. I don't believe that special diets, essential oils and positive thinking will change the prognosis. What I am trying to say is that as cancer patients, we already have so much on our plate. We do not need the pressure to maintain a positive attitude during treatment. It is unrealistic. It is an oversimplified approach to a complex situation. If you are a cancer patient reading this, know that you have every right to feel what you feel. The best way you can support a cancer patient is BY BEING THERE FOR THEM.
Be there when they need someone to drive them to the hospital.
Be there when they need someone to do groceries.
Be there when they need someone to run errands at home.
Be there when they need someone to prepare meals for them.
Be there when they need someone to clean their home.
Be there when they need someone to listen.
Be there when they feel alone by checking in and asking how they are holding up.
Be there by reminding them that they are loved through words, gifts, cards or video messages.
Be there when they want to escape from reality by sharing music, movies and beautiful memories.
Be there by accompanying them out for walks.
Be there when they need someone to sit next to during chemotherapy.
Be there by watching movies with them together.
Be there even if you are unsure what to say. Ask them how they wish to be supported.
Be there by signing up as a stem cell donor Be there by donating blood ( https://www.dkms.org/ . German version: https://www.dkms.de/ )
So just be there for us by LISTENING, ACKNOWLEDGING and VALIDATING our feelings and emotions. I know that it isn't easy and often, some people disappear because they are unsure how to handle this. It is ok to tell them, that you do not know what to say or what to do. Ask them what they can do to help. Reflect on your unique dynamic and allow this to guide you as you try to support your loved one. Keep it simple. It's the little things that matter the most.
Reflect on your unique dynamic and allow this to guide you as you try to support your loved one.
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