Let's keep it real. It isn't always possible to stay motivated during cancer after everything your body has done to betray you. The thumbnail of this post might be a bit cheesy, but I decided to use this one as a visual reminder for myself and my form of coping mechanism. Because my prognosis is good, it influenced my outlook and confidence levels that I will be cancer free. Yes, cancer is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone but during my treatment period, there wasn't time for me to make sense out of everything that was happening. I was in survival mode and solely focused on seizing the end goal- which was to become cancer free. And in saying that- hope was my driving force to keep on going. This meant showing up to the doctor's office for my bi-weekly/ monthly chemo infusions, blood tests and body scans. This meant cooperating with the medical staff by allowing them to administer medications, blood transfusions and platelet infusions into my body. This meant trying my best to rest and to eat what I can in order to stay alive. It was hard and at times scary.
There's so much uncertainty that I had to mentally prepare myself for, especially during chemo. You never know how your body will react and every chemo cycle comes with its unique experiences and side effects. Either way, it is emotionally and physically demanding. I felt super drained out and fed up with everything that I was tempted to quit. Sometimes it feels like forever until everything is over. Having conversed with my cancer friends, they also made me aware that life after cancer will be hard; sometimes even harder than going through treatment itself. This all seems a bit demotivating. What kept me going was my support system. The people that I choose to live for. And no- it is not about living for others. It is about experiencing the beautiful connections and love that you have created in your own world.
Having said that, this was what gave me a glimmer of hope. As a young adult cancer patient, I just couldn't accept that my life was going to be over before I turn 30. I know that every cancer patient has a different treatment and prognosis; therefore, I wanted to give you readers a heads up that this post may not necessarily resonate with everyone. I am highly aware that some people do not ever get the chance to reach remission or "ring the bell" (a tradition done in the US and the UK). So I can only offer you my personal experiences on what what has kept me motivated. Please feel free to skip this post if this might be a triggering post. I can only share my ideas and ways on dealing with motivation and cancer, which you can find below:
Set a countdown. Because I am a visual person, it has been helpful for me to document the number of chemo rounds I have completed. Whenever I finished a cycle, I would note down the total number of cycles I have completed and the number of cycles left to go. Sometimes, I will even post the completion of my chemo rounds on social media to document how far I have progressed in treatment. It is such a great feeling to see the "to go" numbers go down after every cycle was completed.
Keep a journal. Whenever I am in the right headspace to do so, I would set aside some time to document my thoughts and feelings after each chemo round. This also included side effects that I experienced. I try to make an effort to jot down any small progress and improvements; as well as setbacks that I have experienced. This was actually something that I have been actively doing post stem cell transplant. It was one of the most intensive treatments that I have been through and the recovery period takes way longer than other types of chemo treatments that I have had before. By reading back on what I have documented over the past weeks, months and even years, it is actually interesting to see how far I have come. In that sense, it will occasionally enable me to take it one day at a time.
Reward yourself after each round. My philosphy is all about treating yourself because life is short. So you may as well find things that bring you joy. For me, it means finding ways to reward myself- whether it is experience or materialistic-based. Go shopping. Treat yourself with a little gift. Go out for a nice dinner with your loved ones. Pamper yourself by booking a massage or a facial treatment. Every day is special so find reasons to celebrate and do different things. This has definitely motivated me to overcome each round.
Meditation. I am still a meditation novice and it definitely takes time for me to fully master this. It has helped me shift my mindset and deal with my anxiety. By doing meditation, it enables mindfulness, where I am staying more intuned with my surroundings and body. What I love about meditation is the visualization aspect. Visualizing your future self a couple of years from now. What are you looking forward to doing after the treatment? Whatever you decide to visualize after the treatment should enable you seize your goal. If you are looking for a meditation routine, try following this video:
Talk to your friends. Sometimes the best way to get motivation is through others so that you will feel less alone. But remember- it is all about finding the right kind of friends who can offer you this visceral feeling of safety to feel seen, heard and validated. Find the type of friends who have the ability and headspace to listen and acknowledge your pain and struggles. Although it doesn't change your situation, you won't be alone in your thoughts. Whenever I have calls with friends who made my voice feel heard, my heart is filled with warmth and fuzziness afterwards. Right then, I knew that these were the friends that I needed in my life. This was what kept me going. My friends. My family. My people. I wanted to live so that I can create new memories and experiences with them. I wanted to travel with my family. I wanted to spend more Christmases and birthdays with my loved ones. I wanted to go to the gym again. I wanted to go out again. I hope to get married one day. I hope to get dogs. It's these little elements in life that bring me such joy, which is why I will do whatever it takes to fight cancer, even though there may be some tradeoffs.
A friend of mine once said that vulnerability is your superpower and that really resonated with me and hopefully to some of you too. It's all part of the process. Again let me reiterate that these are some of the things that have kept me going and might not necessarily accommodate to everyone's experiences and needs. Every cancer patient has their own story. Some cancer treatments bring them to remission or a cure; whereas other treatments unfortunately do not have an end date- and this might change their attitudes on motivation. I do not feel like I am in the right place to speak about this on behalf of every single cancer patient simply because it varies case by case. I do hope though that there are perhaps some aspects of this blog that you may find helpful. If there is anything I missed, feel free to leave a comment down below. I would be interested to hear how you cope and handle frustrations.
コメント