First things first...Stay away from the internet! Truth is, I am seriously guilty as charged for this. And it isn't just googling stuff online but Insta hash-tag searching cancer related posts with the intent to mentally prepare myself for what will happen. Please please please try to avoid googling your symptoms, prognosis, diagnosis, chemo side effects, etc while you can! It is mentally taxing and leads to anxiety. Googling yourself about your suspected diagnosis/ health condition only does more harm than good.
I definitely struggle with this. Even until now... I am doing the best that I can to limit my time spent online searching up for stuff. At the beginning of my cancer treatment, I recall this turning into my obsession. Looking back, I guess we google these sorts of things as a functional way of coping with threat and ensuring survival. It drove me crazy and it wasn't worth it. Before I began my chemotherapy, my oncologist had to conduct a bone marrow biopsy to determine whether cancer was detected in the bone marrow. He did say that it could be painful unless I was sedated. So I wanted to be mentally prepared for this, which meant googling for insights so that I know what's expected. I wanted to know the degree of pain I will be having when going through this bone marrow biopsy. And guess what I found on the internet? There were people sharing the horrific aspects and despite them being sedated. They woke up with a stabbing sensation and it was extremely unbearable to the point that they struggled to walk over the next few days. I was so paranoid to the point that I couldn't sleep for the entire night before my biopsy.
Next day, I arrived with my mum at the clinic and was guided into the treatment room while waiting for my oncologist to arrive and perform the biopsy on me. As soon as he arrived, I went ballistic and told him how scared I was. He reassured me that with the sedation, I will not feel a thing and once I woke up, this will all be over. I honestly don't even know how he does this but whenever he answers my questions about my concerns, he has a way of providing me with reassurance. I was asked to lie on the bed and then given the sedative. Now there is a difference between being sedated and receiving full anesthesia. Let's just say that being sedated is halfway between being fully awake and being completely unconscious. He started to make conversations about my life and looking back, I guess it's his way of distracting me.
Next thing I knew, I was out. I couldn't recall anything afterwards until I found myself lying on my back with a large bandage on my lower back. I was awake yet confused. Everything was a blur. In fact, I actually felt kinda high which felt pretty good. Funny thing was that I didn't even remember taking a selfie with my mum. A couple days later, I was scrolling through my mum's phone and came across a selfie of the two of us at the clinic. I swear I didn't even remember taking this photo together. In fact, I was the one who suggested taking this photo according to my mum. Overall, it was an interesting experience and I felt no pain unlike what I have read on the internet. I felt a bit soreness for a couple of days but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. So all that worrying and stress googling was for nothing. It just gave me a scare only for everything to turn out to be ok. I didn't gain anything out of this.
The whole point of why I am sharing this story is that you cannot rely on the internet for all of your answers. The internet unfortunately can scare the hell outta you and anyone can post whatever they want online, whether they are real facts or false information. There is no one-size fits all when it comes to chemotherapy. Every treatment is tailor made to the specific individual depending on their history, condition, staging etc and every single person will have a unique experience that comes with it. Not everyone will feel more tired after each chemo round. Not everyone will have nausea. Not everyone will struggle with neuropathy. So never ever generalize the experiences and information you read online to your own case. I know that it is easier said than done and at the end of the day, it is all about finding a balance so that it does not get in the way of your treatments.
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