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Carmen D.

Things aren't always what they seem

Updated: Sep 25, 2022

"But you are so young.."

"You don't look sick."

"Don't worry, it's nothing serious. You are young and healthy..."



We need to break through the common misconceptions of cancer. Destroy the idea that cancer is an old people's disease. It does not discriminate gender, social status, race, occupation, sexual orientation or religion. Not everyone who has cancer is gonna walk around bald. CANCER DOES NOT CAUSE BALDNESS. Chemo does. And not every cancer patient goes through chemo treatment and even if they did- people can easily find ways to blend in by covering their heads with hats, scarves and wigs. In fact, not everyone experiences hair loss during chemo. The unique experiences every cancer patient face are not comparable yet do not make our journey any less different. We still have to spend months or even years fighting for our life. That's because people appear to be handling things gracefully, does not mean that it isn't heavy. We must unlearn what we have learnt. We must stop perceiving things the way we want them to.

"That's because people appear to be handling things gracefully, does not mean that it isn't heavy."

Not all homeless people look "homeless." Not all sick patients "look sick." Not all people with depression appear sad. In fact, it is even harder to tell whether someone is battling against a mental illness because it is not as visible as a physical illness. NOTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS! We scroll through Facebook or Instagram wishing or wanting what others have. People may seem to have everything together but most us choose to portray the tip of the iceberg and glamorize our lives. Whatever it may be, we often catch ourselves wanting to trade our lives with someone else's.


We are living in the era of "Photoshopped Lives." It is easy to portray our lives better than in real life and by human nature, we have the tendency to fall for the partial truths through filtered photos. And the truth is, everyone is dealing with their own shit. During 2019, my entire year filled with traveling, reunions and meet-ups. It nearly occupied every single one of my weekend. And don't get me wrong- I do enjoy going on holidays and seeing friends. I guess I was struggling with prioritization that I ended up having no time for myself. Having "me time" was crucial for me as I needed rest in order to regain my energy. During that period of time, I didn't get the chance to recover from all the work stress that accumulated that year. It got to the point where I was experiencing burn-out. It also lead to other mental health issues and I struggled to open up to others only for them to shut me down for being "first world problems." What they didn't get was that I was voicing my concerns about my mental health- not the fact that I was complaining about travelling and socializing. I felt like I was being silenced and my voice was not being heard. Slowly, loneliness and feelings of isolation lurked into my mind. I felt like I was an island. Even though I appeared to have it all on the outside, I was really struggling.


Anyways, the point that I am trying to get across is that we have got to stop comparing ourselves to others. Their life may look best to you because they have something you need; and yours may look best to them because you have something they need. Instead of making these comparisons to ourselves, how about focusing on connections? It is so important for our voices to be heard and we often overlook the value of human connections. I invite you to reach out to any old friends you've been thinking of talking to for some time. You never know where these conversations may lead. You could very well be the person in the right place at the right time- but either way, it is a beautiful chance to reconnect with someone from the past. Humanity is all about embracing connections and giving each other hope.


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